Purging My Soul

October 8, 2012

The weather has finally cooled here along the southern California coast. The last few weeks have been very warm, but it started feeling a little more like autumn this weekend. We did a little fall decorating, the mantle is covered with autumn leaves, hurricane lamps filled with orange and amber candles, mini pumpkins and pine cones scattered all about.

Decorating made me feel very reflective. This last year, okay last two years have been very challenging. Last year I said I was ready for a fresh new year, but this year…I’m a little more cautious.

…and yet, I see so many possibilities, so much good in the future.

So I wrote. No I wasn’t working on my manuscript this weekend. I just wrote. Journal pages really, but no journal, I just wrote on loose leaf paper…pouring out my feelings, spilling my hurt, my stress, my hope and even my love all over the pages with blue ink from my stash of ten-cent blue pens, and lots of tears. It felt so good. I’m not a regular “journaler.” I never have been. Although there are times when I write regularly, most of the time I find a moment where I just need to write, to work through my feelings, to get on with things. It’s cathartic.

When I was younger I wrote poetry, but now sometimes I write personal essays, sometimes I write journal type pages, sometimes I write letters to myself…or someone else, though they aren’t meant to be sent…and sometimes I write confessions, trying to find absolution for my sins. I file the pages away, occasionally share them, and once burned them when I was done.

When I go back and look at those that haven’t been burned I can often go back to the time when I wrote them, feel the old feelings, not always difficult feelings, happy feelings about meeting my Hunky Hubby, being a new mother, buying our first home. Hopeful feelings as our boys have taken their first steps, started school, graduated, met lovely young women.

Many people assume because I’m a writer I keep a regular journal, and sometimes I wish I did, but this works for me. Writing when I need to, the way I need to…it just works.

I’d love to know how many of you keep a journal? Do any of you write, spilling your feelings the way I do…random pages, random styles? Maybe you find other ways to purge your soul. I’d love to know please share…



5 Responses to “Purging My Soul”

  1. Tari, I love this post. I’ve kept my thoughts and feelings in journals for years. I go in spurts with some years producing daily entries and other years lucky if they get a single page. I love going back and seeing where I’ve been and how far I’ve come and in some instances how I’m still battling the same old things. Reading this blog post has me wanting to journal again. It really is therapeutic!


  2. taristhread Says:

    Thanks Elley! It’s much cheaper than therapy….and less fattening than baking cookies…my other therapy!

  3. I’ve often looked back and WISHED I’d kept a journal at a particular time. So I start them over and over and then just get to a place where I’m tired of myself! So it never lasts; I wish it did.

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